Yes, it's different. I WAS planning on going on a mission. I DID finish my papers. I DID meet with my bishop. But I DIDN'T submit my papers, and I'm not going to. But you know what?
It's okay, and I'm okay.
A few months before I started my papers, I had so much confusion as to whether or not I should go. It was literally to the point of almost making me sick. I decided that since I felt so strongly confused about it all, I would go forth with starting my papers. I mean, it's not like I would regret it if I did go, but I might have regretted it if I never even gave it a shot. I had the faith, and I had the desire, but it just wasn't right. I met with my bishop after all of my papers were finished, but I decided that it just didn't feel right for me. As sad as I was about it, I was at peace. I AM at peace. I know that staying home and attending school is the right thing for me to do now. I am SO excited to become a teacher. And just because I am not going to serve a full time mission, does not mean that I can't still be a missionary, because as Richard G Scott said, "every member a missionary."
I've had people ask me about my papers, and I have just told them that I'm not going anymore because it didn't feel right. The usual response to that: "Oh, I'm sorry." or "Bummer" or "I was excited for you." But you know what I think?
Don't be sorry. I'm not. I know that not going is right. It's not a bummer, I look forward to school and when I will be able to become a teacher. And just because I am not going doesn't mean that my life is over. I'm just getting started!
I truly love this church. I waned to go on a mission, but I know that it just isn't what I am supposed to be doing. I will have my impact in other ways, and I am okay with that. Life is crazy, but so beautiful. And I am so SO happy.
Love you all,
Olivia
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